JAMIE SPEARS: A MOM AT 17

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June 19, 2008 - Amid a furry of reporters Jamie Lynn gave birth to a baby girl. I’m sure everyone is happy that all went well for mother and baby.

Here’s the issue that’s important to address. Being pregnant is one thing, but taking care of a tiny baby is quite another.

Fortunately for Jamie Lynn, she was born into a family of wealth. I’m sure things will look different from the 17 girls in Massachusetts that will all be "teenage mothers".

I’m imagining there won’t be a nanny or full time babysitter; those teens will be responsible for the care and keeping of their babies. Is the message we’re sending to impressive young minds that it’s okay to be a teen and pregnant?!

Parents, please take this opportunity to speak to your tween and teen about this issue. Also do not assume for one moment that they haven’t heard about these stories.

Questions for discussion:

• What do you think about someone so young having to take care of a baby?
• How do you think it might change their lives?
• What do you think would make someone want to get pregnant at such a young age?

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THE "JAMIE SPEARS TALK"

The onslaught of media attention given to a celebrity can be very daunting since they tend to become role models to our young people.
How does a parent combat the tween celebrity behavior that our children often want to emulate?

Start with some basic ground rules:

1. It's important to start early. Jaime's TV program was marketed to tweens as young as seven years of age.
2. It's important to establish a strong foundation of open and honest communication.
3. It's important to share your beliefs and morals without being judgmental; your child is very smart and they know when they are being preached to.
4. It's important to find teachable moments.
5. It's very important to be honest with yourself, therefore, when you don't know the answers - get help!

How to start the conversation: Parents often times want to solve the problem in an adult manner, but remember you're dealing with a child.

• Refer back to them, ask them what they think? How does this news make them feel?
• Find a way to mirror back what they've shared with you and let them know you hear what they have to say.
• If your child doesn't have much to say, you can always ask her or him questions.

Example: Can you tell me more about what you heard on the news? What do you think about it? Do you understand what it means to be pregnant?
Keep any answers simple: If they don't know what it means to be pregnant, you can tell them it's when a woman has a baby growing inside their body. See what they say to you; see if they have any more questions. If not, you can end by simply saying that as a parent you would be concerned about someone who is so young and still needs to grow and mature having to raise a child of her own.
See where it goes from there: If it's a fairly young child, more than likely that will be the end of the questions. It's more possible than not that the whole process will start the child thinking, so this is a prefect opportunity to initiate the conversation about other age appropriate sexual topics.

Things to Say to 8-10 year olds: Similar to what was said above, Jaime is very young to be having a baby and we feel it a very big responsibility for someone so young to have to go through. Go back to basics (If you don't have the answers, find a book or take one of our courses).

• Your physical and emotional body is going to go through a lot of changes; hair in strange places, pimples, body growing, periods and wet dreams.
• These changes are happening so you can grow into young men and woman.
• Talk about how you can help them through these changes by coming to you when they have any questions.
• Find teachable moments and buy some helpful books. (Refer to our Resources section)

Things to Say to 11-13 year olds: (If you don't have the answers, find a book or take one of our courses)

• Same as above, but you may want to share as a parent what the responsibility of raising a child is like and why you think it's best to wait for marriage.
• The basics at this age are really about the feeling they might be starting to have for someone else. You need to let them know that it's perfectly normal and having someone to share special feelings with can be really nice. What's important to know is what is appropriate and what's not.
• Talk about peer pressure and why they feel it's so important to be part of a group. It's very important to acknowledge feelings and emotions at this particular time in their lives (this goes for boys as well) and brainstorm what they can do with these feelings and emotions.
• This is the time to not be afraid to ask lots of questions of your child. Create an environment with appropriate boundaries, and not to fall into the trap of becoming your child's best friend. They need a very strong consistent parent - not a friend.
• If they ask questions, be willing to answer them honestly unless they are of a personal nature. Don't be afraid to not know all the answers.

Things to Say to 14 - 17 year old: (Research shows 75% of Junior and Senior teens have engaged in Sexual Intercourse)

• This issue regarding Jamie Spears is a perfect teachable moment.
• This is a time to encourage critical thinking skills by asking questions instead of you doing the talking.
• Make sure you clarify that purpose of the conversation is to talk with them about your own concerns as opposed to assuming they are engaging in a sexual behavior.
• Ask them what they think about this situation with Jamie Spears. You may be very surprised with their answer.
• Ask them what they think it would be like being so young and having to deal with a pregnancy and baby to raise. Share with them what the current costs are to raising a child. How can this change ones life?
• Ask them whose responsibility it is in this situation? Did they realize that it's against the law for someone so young to be having sexual relationship with what's considered an adult by law?
• This may or may not be the best time to bring up sexually transmitted diseases and birth control. If you feel that's better left for another discussion, let them know you'll be talking about this in the future. (Refer to our Resources section)
• Explain to them that you realize that sexual feelings are normal during this time in their lives; nevertheless, it doesn't mean they have to act on them, because there could be grave consequences once they do.
• Don't be afraid to ask where they are going. If they are going to a party, get the phone number and contact the parents. Don't be too embarrassed to ask if an adult will be present and if there will be any alcohol at the party. Remember that sex often occurs when under the influence of alcohol!
• No matter what, you will be there for them and not judge them.
  You love them and only want what's best for them!

For more information on how the Birds & Bees Connection can help you with these issues and more, please view our scheduled courses, » click here.

If you do not see a course that fits your family's schedule or location, please call our offices at (949) 215-7809, or email us for assistance in arranging an alternate course.

PLEASE feel free to share this information with your family members and friends. Our children deserve a positive and nurturing environment in which to grow!

More links regarding this issue:
Jamie Lynne Spears: Hasn't She Learned Anything
The Zoey Chat

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